Dr. Overworked or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Stress

I'm so busy.  Too busy.  I know we all feel that way, so I'm not trying to generate any pity.  In the past week, I've seen two young teachers in tears over stress at work.  I don't know why anyone would want to go into the profession anymore.  There are no incentives.  We have no support.  We're often vilified, even when we make decisions in the best interests of our students (like alerting authorities about a possible bomb threat).

This post is for me.  I need to write out everything I'm doing so when my head catches fire, I'll have an explanation.  Be warned; it's going to be very long.  If you don't make it all the way through, I'll understand and still love you.

Before I start my list; did you know that my school district wants to set up a page that defines the acronyms for all the initiatives they've implemented in recent years?  Do you realize how fucking scary that is?  There are so many initiatives that we now need a glossary.  When we've reached that point, I think we call can agree that the world has gone to ice (sorry Snow Miser - I've always been your brother's biggest fan).

By the way, I don't need any initiatives.  Not a single one.  This is the start of my 25th year as an educator.  Nothing the administration has provided me at any level wherever I've worked has ever helped me in any way be a better school teacher.  All I need are students and a classroom.  Why is that so hard for folks to figure out?  It's not always about the lack of funding.

I teach eight sections of theatre at the high school (four acting; four tech theatre classes) and creative writing.  These are fun.  I love being with the kids.  Their energy still inspires me after all these years.  But I hate that I now have to write lesson plans for every class using a district-mandated template.  The state is also implementing a merit pay program.  Fuck you.  That's all I can say to that.  What makes anyone think putting teachers in competition with one another will improve standardized test scores?   Do you see the smoke rising from my ears?   You want the scores to increase?  Teach parents how to parent.  Make them go through professional development.  Then maybe their kids will learn to read and write before they start school like mine did.  And there's the newly modified evaluation instrument for art teachers.  I now need to record and upload student performances as proof that they're learning what I'm teaching.  Wonderful.  We can't even get a strong enough wi-fi signal for gmail in our building.  Not to mention we've been given no assessment tool and have no evaluation process in place.  They're making it up as they go along.  What else should we expect from politicians?

Let me stop being so fucking negative.  This isn't supposed to be a rant.  I'm just making a list of everything I do so I can prioritize.

Deep breaths, Tommy.  Ease the burn.  A slow roast will cook you just the same.  Even better, perhaps.

I teach two sections of expository writing at the college.  I love this job.  I'll do anything my department chair asks.  She's wonderful.  I taught her daughter (who is now a high school drama teacher and also wonderful).

I produce the after-school drama program at the high school.  We are running four plays in repertory over consecutive weekends starting in early November.  We will produce a spring musical.  This tires me out but engages my creative desire.

I sponsor the drama club and Improv team.  Minimal work here.  The students run things, as well they should.  Both highly entertaining.

I supervise a study hall.  Always a solid, quiet place to work for my students and me; although, I'd rather have them in my theatre classes.  But I've given up that fight.

Choose your battles, Drago.  Choose them wisely.

I'm the Arts Department Chair.  I work with an amazing department.  They make this job very easy.

I've been selected as the Theatre PLC Leader (that's Professional Learning Community Leader - your first acronym; aren't you thrilled?) for our district.  I'm trying to get out of this.  I was volunteered.

I'm organizing my drama program's participation in the North Carolina Theatre Festival this fall.  We've won awards in the past.  I think this group has the potential to give us more.

I'm organizing a New York City trip for my advanced acting classes in the spring.  What's not to like here?  New York is my hometown.  I'd live there if I could afford to.  At least, I'll squeeze in John's Pizzeria and Rocco's Pastry Shop a couple of times, both on Bleecker Street.

I'm covering for the vacant theatre manager position at our high school.  Not fun.  Lots of stress.  This deserves a post all on its own, but I won't go there.  Hopefully will be resolved soon.

I'm revising my third novel and writing two short stories for submission into a local magazine.  Keeps my brain sharp.  And as Stephen King once wrote, "Keeps the gators fed."  Fellow horror writers should get that reference.

I'm adjudicating two separate categories for a professional writing competition.  So cool.  But I won't pick titles just because everyone says they're good.  I take Poe's stance on criticism.  I'm a bitch.

I'm performing in a musical production for a local community theatre this fall.  This is a blast.  I have a small part but love the work.  My son is in the show.  He sings and dances.  His dancing is hilarious (not on purpose).  He makes me smile.

I'm the Board Pesident for (a currently inactive) local community theatre.  This makes me sad.  My wife and I worked so hard to build this program, but we're defunct now because we couldn't generate consistent support from the locals.  A shame, really.

In addition to all those jobs, I try my best to be a loving husband, responsible father, respectful son, and supportive brother.  Still no friends, though.  I keep telling myself I don't have the time.

Where are you, New York?

We remember tragedies in great detail.  It's unfortunate.  I have a clearer image in my mind of those fucking planes than I do of my daughter taking her first steps.

I cry for the innocent people who lost their lives that day.  And for our fallen heroes.  The firefighters, the police officers, the paramedics, the pilots and flight crews, for anyone who did anything to help another human being on a day when humanity stopped being humanity.  The day the sirens wailed, and the dust fell, and the people screamed, and the buildings crashed, and the smoke billowed, and oh my God, look at those lost faces on TV, those beautiful child-like faces, covered in ash and scampering across the Brooklyn Bridge.  My home, the streets my parents ruled as teenagers, the city my grandparents and immigrant great-grandparents built.  Broadway.  The Harlem Globetrotters at Madison Square Garden.  Central Park.  The F Train.  Staten Island Little League.  The Mets, the Jets (the fucking jets), the Giants, the Yankees.  Babe Ruth.  The rides at Coney Island.  With my big brother watching me because that's what big brothers do.  They watch your back.  But who had our backs then?  Who protected us when the lights went out?  When the sun finally set?  Where's my daddy?  I want my daddy.  Where are you, New York?  Fucking New York.  I love you.

For the countless schoolteachers, like me, locked in classrooms with students who wanted answers but were given none.

That fall, I started teaching English at the local high school.  I'd spent the previous year cursing fate at the neighboring middle school.  I knocked on the principal's door that summer and inquired about starting up an after-school theatre program.  I loved that woman.  What a champion of women's rights!  To my knowledge, the first female principal in the state of Tennessee (long before my time as an educator and prior to our relocation to North Carolina).  She accepted my offer (I told her I'd kindly repay the $500 she put up for my production of Frankenstein out of ticket sales) and I spent most of the first month of school cleaning out backstage.  The chorus teacher, a crotchety woman working on her doctorate, found me in the bowels of the auditorium (where theatre guys spend all their waking hours, it seems) and told me a plane had hit the World Trade Center.  I'd heard stories of the prop that hit the Empire State Building in the 1940s or whenever, so I didn't think much of it.  I continued shifting scenery and organizing props until first period ended.  Then, I turned on the classroom TV, shocked into truth with the rest of our nation.

We cried and clung to one another but remained strong for the children entrusted to our custody.  That's what teachers do, and mine is ultimately a teacher's story, after all.

The only thing I can compare it to is when the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded, and my high school calculus teacher held our hands as we watched events unfold on live TV.  That's probably the first time I ever realized how important the surrogate relationship is for teachers.  We answer the call as best we can, pinned on our backs with our hearts in the dirt.

What Does It Take To Be A Good Actor?

Courage.

A better topic for this post might be, "How many words in this title should have the first letter capitalized?"  I capitalized every one just to cover my bases.  Wouldn't want the alphabet pissed off at me.  I swear by my letters.

Last night, my wife and I sat in front of a rerun of The Big Bang Theory (this after we each had a long day at work and then spent the evening at rehearsal (me)/doing everything that it takes to make our home the perfect home that it is (my wife - I love her!)).  Can you embed parentheses?  I just did.  Similar concerns here about discriminating against punctuation marks, I guess.  See previous paragraph re: letters.

I relaxed in my recliner half-asleep, keeping my eye on the Mets via ESPN online (I love my Kindle for everything but reading books).  They won.  If they make the playoffs, I do believe my son and I will be New York bound.  My wife scrolled through her phone and found some stupid rate your teacher website.  I say stupid because only two kinds of people go on those sites.  Those who love you and those who hate you.  You can't get an honest read from the masses.  My marks aren't stellar (naturally).  They're strikingly average (go figure).  Most of the shit comes from about 8-10 years ago after I transferred from a school where the students worshiped me (but I got paid shit) to a school where the students rarely appreciate me (but I get paid well - yes, even as a teacher).  You give and take in the educating business.  Well, actually you just give.

Anyhoo, the one-star ratings that offer no comments don't help.  Pure assholes, really.  But the one with responses do, actually.  Purely for entertainment.  I especially enjoyed the one about my not knowing anything about acting.  Or how I frequently break my own rules when I perform scenes.

I love when students think they know more than their teachers.  Makes me wonder how miserable their parents must be raising them.  I'm proud my children respect their parents and teachers because they understand their worth.  We've already lived more and experienced some shit.  They can learn from us.  This is not rocket science.

Have I answered the question I posted?  I gave you a word, didn't I?  I didn't say go fuck yourself.  You figure it out.  When you find the truth, let me know.  I'll probably catch you on a Broadway stage while I'm in New York cheering my beloved Mets to a World Series victory (or on the big screen if you can get endorsed by Entertainment Weekly - that's the ticket to Hollywood).

On Your Mark, Get Set, Teach!

The school year started abruptly last week, but I find myself enjoying my return to the classroom for what begins my 25th year as an educator (23rd full-time teaching).  How in the world can the time have passed so quickly?  Seems like yesterday that I graduated from college and had my whole life ahead of me.  Now, I have my own child in one of my classes!  And another knocking on the door.  Crazy.  But I wouldn't trade any of it.

We all know teachers get shit on regularly.  We're the fucking toilet bowls of society.  But I've made a promise to myself (and to my wife and children) that I would stay positive this year.  So, despite the myriad of initiatives (which aren't new - only a rehash of what we've already been made to do a hundred times over), the lack of funding, the feeble pay and horrible benefits, the administrative indecisiveness and kowtowing, I plan to kick some serious ass in the classroom this year and enjoy myself along the way.

How?  It all starts with the kids.  They are why I became a teacher, and why I still push myself every year to keep on chooglin.  I love their spirit, their innocence, their smiles, their individual journeys.  Do I have the same energy I had when I first started out?  Not even close.  Am I all-knowing now that I have all these years of experience?  Not a chance.  One of the best things about being a teacher is that you're always learning.  You have to love school.  You get high off clean notebooks and freshly sharpened pencils.

Do I make mistakes?  You bet your ass.  I'm not perfect.  But I still have the Drago factor (as an apt pupil put it many years ago when I reluctantly said goodbye).  If you know me, you know how passionate I am.  How committed I am to fairness and honesty.  How genuine (yes, I like to say shit and fuck and balls a lot).

If you've had me as a teacher, you should get that.  That's what I hope I'm remembered for.  Forget all the acting I've done and characters I've played, I never wear a mask.  Above all, that's what I want my students to learn from me.  Be yourself.  Don't be ashamed or afraid of who you are.  Life is too short to be an image.

Thank you to all the teachers who shaped me into who I am today, especially Mr. Martin, Mr. Ferrell, Mr. Rogers, Dr. Campbell, Dr. Farness, and Dr. Woodman.  I carry the torch for everything you believed and inspired.  You are important to your students.  You make the world a better place.

Guest Post - "Leap of Faith" by Jay Wilburn

"Leap of Faith" by Jay Wilburn

My teaching certificate expired on June 30^th of this year. I taught for sixteen years before quitting to take care of my younger son’s health needs, but also to pursue a dream of being a full-time writer. There was a stretch of doubtful days there. Both with the medical care of my son and the notion of making a living at writing, there were some dark days. Eventually he grew better and I started expanding my income with my own fiction and with ghostwriting. Both sources of income were slow builds. There was more than once that I considering packing it up and going back to teaching. I believe teaching is a noble profession, but I also believe I am done with it. Each time I stuck it out with doing what people say is not possible, we made it a little bit further. I was surrounded by people who doubted I could pull it off and expressed their doubts in ways that would pull down my spirit. I had to fight through that and keep my skin too tough to let that in.

All important decisions require a leap of faith. You usually can’t see where you are going to land. You just kind of trust that you are going to land one way or the other. Others won’t make that same leap because they can’t see the landing spot and if it is too far down, you could die. They’ll resent you for jumping when they would not. Some of the people who celebrate the successful landing resent the fact that you survived the fall, but just don’t want to be the person that expresses such a thing out loud.  Leaps of faith almost always come before the other side of the jump is ready and secure. You could wait a few months or a few years until the other option is ready. You can wait until the construction of the other life has been completed, the inspections are done, and it looks secure. That is what a responsible person does. The problem is that when you are going for something beyond what most people think is possible, the other side of the leap is never finished before jump time. There will be other opportunities and you can wait, but often the wait becomes the life. You can resent yourself for not jumping and resent those that jumped anyway. The risk is never going to be gone and often the secure life can fall apart like it wasn’t supposed to do while you are waiting for the risk on the other side of the intended leap to mitigate itself.

I always caveat these discussions of writing full-time by saying there is nothing wrong with keeping a day job and writing in the spare moments. There is nothing cowardly in that choice. I’m not telling people to quit their jobs. I’m also not telling you that you can’t. If you resent people who have leapt or resent yourself for not leaping, the healthy choice is either to leap or to find peace in the choice you are making. Look at it as a choice instead of a trap. Believe that you are strong enough to face the day whether it is conquering the monsters you know all too well because you are stronger than them or whether it is leaping to conquer the unknown. You can fight either battle, but never think that you are trapped. The worst that can happen with either choice is that you fail miserably and have to start over. People do it all the time.

My biggest fear used to be losing my job. I hated getting up in the morning and feared losing the job at the same time. So many of us fight and pray to keep jobs and lives that we hate. When they do fall apart, we land somewhere eventually. Sometimes it is a painful journey to the landing, but we often look back where we were standing and are so thankful to not be there anymore.  One thing you can be pretty sure of in your life: one day you will either leap or you will fall from where you are standing at this moment and you will land somewhere. It is great to look back once the journey is over and to be less afraid of that drop than you were before.

Check out the latest book and music from a new series by Jay Wilburn:

The Dead Song LegendDodecology Book 1: January from Milwaukee to Muscle Shoals

  

The Sound May Suffer -Songs from the Dead Song Legend Book 1: January

Jay Wilburn lives with his wife and two sons in Conway, South Carolina near the Atlantic coast of the southern United States. He taught public school for sixteen years before becoming a full time writer. He is the author of the Dead Song Legend Dodecology and the music of the five song soundtrack recorded as if by the characters within the world of the novel The Sound May Suffer. 

Follow his many dark thoughts on Twitter @AmongTheZombies, his Facebook author page, and at JayWilburn.com   

Summer List #3 - My Favorite Albums

This won't be as tough for me as the other lists because I'm a singles guy.  My dad kept our house stocked with 45's when I was a kid, so that stuck with me.  Most of my album collection is made up of greatest hits compilations.  I get bored with album tracks, especially now that I'm old and have no attention span.

Only albums released during my lifetime were considered, but there are a few different rules here.  First of all, no Elvis.  I'd pick Elvis Country from 1970 if I had to, but would rather just provide my own album.  Here's Elvis: The Best Album Tracks of the 70s.  Picture him on the cover doing a Vegas move in a diamond-studded jumpsuit.  Remember, Elvis rarely included songs released as singles on his studio albums, so you won't find "Burning Love" or the like here.

Side A
"I Was Born About 10,000 Years Ago" (1970)
"Cindy, Cindy" (1970)
"How the Web Was Woven" (1970)
"I Washed My Hands in Muddy Water" (1970)
"Whole Lotta Shakin Goin On" (1970)

Side B
"Love Me, Love the Life I Lead" (1971)
"If You Don't Come Back" (1973)
"I Got A Feeling in My Body" (1973)
"Talk about the Good Times" (1973)
"Your Love's Been a Long Time Coming" (1973)

As for the rest, nothing posthumous (sorry, Otis Redding; although Tell the Truth is outstanding and released about a year after I was born).  Also, no compilations (that would way too difficult for me).  And only one album per artist except where I cheat.  These are listed in order by favorite.

1. Diary of a Madman (1981) by Ozzy Osbourne/Black Sabbath Vol. 4 (1972) by Black Sabbath
Although neither of these discs have the commercial appeal of Blizzard of Ozz (1981) or Paranoid (1970), I think they're better.  Diary is my favorite album of all-time.  It started everything for me.  I can't hardly think about the songs without getting teary-eyed.  Give the title track a listen.  It's scarier than "Black Sabbath."  It inspired every horror story I've ever written.  After Elvis, Ozzy is (and always will be) my hero.  The riffs on Vol. 4 are mind-blowing.  I love Tony, Geezer, and Bill like family.

2. Cosmo's Factory (1970) by CCR/Blue Moon Swamp (1997) by John Fogerty
John Fogerty follows close on Ozzy's heels.  His guitar playing is often overlooked because his scratchy vocals are a rock inspiration.  Cosmo's Factory is the album every 50's artist (including Elvis) would've recorded if they'd stuck to their roots.  Blue Moon Swap, part comeback/part throwback, has sentimental value (like all those listed here) and beats out Centerfield for me.

3. High Voltage (1976)/Stiff Upper Lip (2000) by ACDC
My younger brother told me he thinks every album Bon Scott ever recorded is better than any album Brian Johnson recorded (including Back in Black).  I agree.  But Stiff Upper Lip is fucking awesome and deserves a place here.

4. Business as Usual (1981)/Cargo (1983) by Men at Work
Men at Work was the first concert I remember.  Even before Ozzy, I think.  I love these two albums.  I'm not sure anyone ever came out of the shoot with better back to back openers.  Too bad they fizzled out as fast they hit (although my brother tells me Colin Hay's solo efforts are outstanding).

5. Flaming Pie (1997) by Paul McCartney/Abbey Road (1969) by The Beatles/Venus and Mars (1975) by Wings
The Beatles are the greatest band ever.  No question.  I'm glad I get to put one of their albums on my list (with a month and a half to spare!).  I also love Wings.  Flaming Pie is the best album Paul McCartney recorded as a solo artist.  I'm not familiar enough with John Lennon's album tracks (or George Harrison's, for that matter) to give either a spot on the list.

6. Honeycomb (2005) by Frank Black
The Pixies frontman delivers my favorite soul album.  The studio musicians who played on Elvis' 1969 comeback sessions are here.  I've seen Frank Black live.  He's a machine.  Listen to "My Life Is in Storage" if nothing else.

7. River of Dreams (1993) by Billy Joel
Glad Billy Joel saved his best for last.

8. Graceland (1986) by Paul Simon
The title track is my life story (sort of).  The pilgrimage I made when I turned 40 is everything Paul Simon told me it would be.

9. When We Were the New Boys (1998)/A Spanner in the Works (1995) by Rod Stewart
I went through a Rod Stewart phase in the late 90s (loved him in concert) and found these two works to be the equal of anything he'd done prior to throat surgery.  I can't take the pop standard shit he recorded afterwards.

10. Yo Frankie by Dion (1990)/Mystery Girl (1989) by Roy Orbison
Two of my all-time favorite rock and roll pioneers made a run in the late 80s with these incredible albums.  Too bad Roy Orbison died just as "You Got It" hit the charts.  Dion's album rocks more and gets the slight edge.

11. Madonna (1983) by Madonna/She's So Unusual (1983) by Cyndi Lauper
Hard not to pick Like a Virgin but Madonna's debut album never fails.  I remember falling in love with her the first time I heard her voice while driving to school.  Cyndi Lauper, probably a better singer, created the soundtrack to my freshman year of high school with this one.

12. Lonely Just Like Me (1993) by Arthur Alexander/If I Could Only Fly (2000) by Merle Haggard
A couple of geezers by the time of these two country releases.  Perhaps that's what makes them so special.

13. New Beginning (1995) by Tracy Chapman/In Between Dreams (2005) by Jack Johnson
When I need something mellow, these never fail.

14. Big Tyme (1989) by Heavy D/Fear of a Black Planet (1990) by Public Enemy/Knowledge Is King (1989) by Kool Moe Dee/It's a Big Daddy Thing (1989) by Big Daddy Kane
Yes, I went through a rap stage in the late 80s.  These four are my favorite.  I still remember all the words when I listen.

15. Every Album by The Furnace (1999 - present)
Now what kind of brother would I be if I didn't plug my brother's indie heavy metal band?  Part Metallica, part Godsmack, part Creed, they've had two incredible singers during their run and both are equally talented frontmen.  Their guitarists kick ass (I'm partial, yes).  Their drummers reign supreme.  They've been scorching the Valley of the Sun for almost 20 years now.  Like them on Facebook.

Summer List #2 - My Favorite TV Shows

In order to create this list, I researched the top 300 shows of the last five decades.  Again, the only rule that applies is that the show must've debuted after I was born (at least in its current format).  So, you won't see The Honeymooners on this list even though it's my all-time favorite TV show.

I learned something about myself while putting this list together.  I don't watch a lot of television.  That's a good thing, right?

But, I've also missed out on plenty of good programming.  I have too much going on in my life to make the necessary commitment, I guess.  At some point, I might try binge-watching.  Right now, I'd rather not waste my time in front of the screen (at least not that one).

So, if you see shows missing from my list, I guarantee it's because I've never seen an episode (I feel most guilty about The Sopranos, by the way).  Rarely, have I started a program and not watched it through until it's run its course (or at least until it's jumped the shark).  Not my personality type.  I finish what I start.

The programs are listed in order by favorite and grouped by genre.

Sitcoms
Seinfeld, 1989-1998
All in the Family, 1971-1979
The Odd Couple, 1970-1975
Everybody Loves Raymond, 1996-2005
Curb Your Enthusiasm, 1999-2011
Taxi, 1978-1983
Happy Days, 1974-1984
The Big Bang Theory, 2007 - present
East Bound and Down, 2009-2013
Married with Children, 1987-1997

Science Fiction/Supernatural Dramas
The Six Million Dollar Man, 1974-1978
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 1997-2003
The Incredible Hulk, 1978-1982
The Walking Dead, 2010 - present
Chuck, 2007-2012

Legal/Crime-Action Dramas
Magnum P.I., 1980-1988
Law & Order SVU, 1999 - present

Soap Opera
The Young & the Restless, 1973 - present

Comedy/Variety Shows
Whose Line Is It Anyway?, 1998-2007
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, 2014 - present
Saturday Night Live, 1975 - present

Game Shows
Jeopardy, 1984 - present
Wheel of Fortune, 1975 - present
The Price Is Right, 1972 - present

Animated Sitcoms
The Simpsons, 1989 - present
Bob's Burgers, 2011 - present

Sports
Monday Night Football, 1970 - present
SportsCenter, 1979 - present

News
CBS Evening News with Dan Rather, 1981-1993
AC360, 2003 - present