Summer List #3 - My Favorite Albums

This won't be as tough for me as the other lists because I'm a singles guy.  My dad kept our house stocked with 45's when I was a kid, so that stuck with me.  Most of my album collection is made up of greatest hits compilations.  I get bored with album tracks, especially now that I'm old and have no attention span.

Only albums released during my lifetime were considered, but there are a few different rules here.  First of all, no Elvis.  I'd pick Elvis Country from 1970 if I had to, but would rather just provide my own album.  Here's Elvis: The Best Album Tracks of the 70s.  Picture him on the cover doing a Vegas move in a diamond-studded jumpsuit.  Remember, Elvis rarely included songs released as singles on his studio albums, so you won't find "Burning Love" or the like here.

Side A
"I Was Born About 10,000 Years Ago" (1970)
"Cindy, Cindy" (1970)
"How the Web Was Woven" (1970)
"I Washed My Hands in Muddy Water" (1970)
"Whole Lotta Shakin Goin On" (1970)

Side B
"Love Me, Love the Life I Lead" (1971)
"If You Don't Come Back" (1973)
"I Got A Feeling in My Body" (1973)
"Talk about the Good Times" (1973)
"Your Love's Been a Long Time Coming" (1973)

As for the rest, nothing posthumous (sorry, Otis Redding; although Tell the Truth is outstanding and released about a year after I was born).  Also, no compilations (that would way too difficult for me).  And only one album per artist except where I cheat.  These are listed in order by favorite.

1. Diary of a Madman (1981) by Ozzy Osbourne/Black Sabbath Vol. 4 (1972) by Black Sabbath
Although neither of these discs have the commercial appeal of Blizzard of Ozz (1981) or Paranoid (1970), I think they're better.  Diary is my favorite album of all-time.  It started everything for me.  I can't hardly think about the songs without getting teary-eyed.  Give the title track a listen.  It's scarier than "Black Sabbath."  It inspired every horror story I've ever written.  After Elvis, Ozzy is (and always will be) my hero.  The riffs on Vol. 4 are mind-blowing.  I love Tony, Geezer, and Bill like family.

2. Cosmo's Factory (1970) by CCR/Blue Moon Swamp (1997) by John Fogerty
John Fogerty follows close on Ozzy's heels.  His guitar playing is often overlooked because his scratchy vocals are a rock inspiration.  Cosmo's Factory is the album every 50's artist (including Elvis) would've recorded if they'd stuck to their roots.  Blue Moon Swap, part comeback/part throwback, has sentimental value (like all those listed here) and beats out Centerfield for me.

3. High Voltage (1976)/Stiff Upper Lip (2000) by ACDC
My younger brother told me he thinks every album Bon Scott ever recorded is better than any album Brian Johnson recorded (including Back in Black).  I agree.  But Stiff Upper Lip is fucking awesome and deserves a place here.

4. Business as Usual (1981)/Cargo (1983) by Men at Work
Men at Work was the first concert I remember.  Even before Ozzy, I think.  I love these two albums.  I'm not sure anyone ever came out of the shoot with better back to back openers.  Too bad they fizzled out as fast they hit (although my brother tells me Colin Hay's solo efforts are outstanding).

5. Flaming Pie (1997) by Paul McCartney/Abbey Road (1969) by The Beatles/Venus and Mars (1975) by Wings
The Beatles are the greatest band ever.  No question.  I'm glad I get to put one of their albums on my list (with a month and a half to spare!).  I also love Wings.  Flaming Pie is the best album Paul McCartney recorded as a solo artist.  I'm not familiar enough with John Lennon's album tracks (or George Harrison's, for that matter) to give either a spot on the list.

6. Honeycomb (2005) by Frank Black
The Pixies frontman delivers my favorite soul album.  The studio musicians who played on Elvis' 1969 comeback sessions are here.  I've seen Frank Black live.  He's a machine.  Listen to "My Life Is in Storage" if nothing else.

7. River of Dreams (1993) by Billy Joel
Glad Billy Joel saved his best for last.

8. Graceland (1986) by Paul Simon
The title track is my life story (sort of).  The pilgrimage I made when I turned 40 is everything Paul Simon told me it would be.

9. When We Were the New Boys (1998)/A Spanner in the Works (1995) by Rod Stewart
I went through a Rod Stewart phase in the late 90s (loved him in concert) and found these two works to be the equal of anything he'd done prior to throat surgery.  I can't take the pop standard shit he recorded afterwards.

10. Yo Frankie by Dion (1990)/Mystery Girl (1989) by Roy Orbison
Two of my all-time favorite rock and roll pioneers made a run in the late 80s with these incredible albums.  Too bad Roy Orbison died just as "You Got It" hit the charts.  Dion's album rocks more and gets the slight edge.

11. Madonna (1983) by Madonna/She's So Unusual (1983) by Cyndi Lauper
Hard not to pick Like a Virgin but Madonna's debut album never fails.  I remember falling in love with her the first time I heard her voice while driving to school.  Cyndi Lauper, probably a better singer, created the soundtrack to my freshman year of high school with this one.

12. Lonely Just Like Me (1993) by Arthur Alexander/If I Could Only Fly (2000) by Merle Haggard
A couple of geezers by the time of these two country releases.  Perhaps that's what makes them so special.

13. New Beginning (1995) by Tracy Chapman/In Between Dreams (2005) by Jack Johnson
When I need something mellow, these never fail.

14. Big Tyme (1989) by Heavy D/Fear of a Black Planet (1990) by Public Enemy/Knowledge Is King (1989) by Kool Moe Dee/It's a Big Daddy Thing (1989) by Big Daddy Kane
Yes, I went through a rap stage in the late 80s.  These four are my favorite.  I still remember all the words when I listen.

15. Every Album by The Furnace (1999 - present)
Now what kind of brother would I be if I didn't plug my brother's indie heavy metal band?  Part Metallica, part Godsmack, part Creed, they've had two incredible singers during their run and both are equally talented frontmen.  Their guitarists kick ass (I'm partial, yes).  Their drummers reign supreme.  They've been scorching the Valley of the Sun for almost 20 years now.  Like them on Facebook.

Summer List #2 - My Favorite TV Shows

In order to create this list, I researched the top 300 shows of the last five decades.  Again, the only rule that applies is that the show must've debuted after I was born (at least in its current format).  So, you won't see The Honeymooners on this list even though it's my all-time favorite TV show.

I learned something about myself while putting this list together.  I don't watch a lot of television.  That's a good thing, right?

But, I've also missed out on plenty of good programming.  I have too much going on in my life to make the necessary commitment, I guess.  At some point, I might try binge-watching.  Right now, I'd rather not waste my time in front of the screen (at least not that one).

So, if you see shows missing from my list, I guarantee it's because I've never seen an episode (I feel most guilty about The Sopranos, by the way).  Rarely, have I started a program and not watched it through until it's run its course (or at least until it's jumped the shark).  Not my personality type.  I finish what I start.

The programs are listed in order by favorite and grouped by genre.

Sitcoms
Seinfeld, 1989-1998
All in the Family, 1971-1979
The Odd Couple, 1970-1975
Everybody Loves Raymond, 1996-2005
Curb Your Enthusiasm, 1999-2011
Taxi, 1978-1983
Happy Days, 1974-1984
The Big Bang Theory, 2007 - present
East Bound and Down, 2009-2013
Married with Children, 1987-1997

Science Fiction/Supernatural Dramas
The Six Million Dollar Man, 1974-1978
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 1997-2003
The Incredible Hulk, 1978-1982
The Walking Dead, 2010 - present
Chuck, 2007-2012

Legal/Crime-Action Dramas
Magnum P.I., 1980-1988
Law & Order SVU, 1999 - present

Soap Opera
The Young & the Restless, 1973 - present

Comedy/Variety Shows
Whose Line Is It Anyway?, 1998-2007
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, 2014 - present
Saturday Night Live, 1975 - present

Game Shows
Jeopardy, 1984 - present
Wheel of Fortune, 1975 - present
The Price Is Right, 1972 - present

Animated Sitcoms
The Simpsons, 1989 - present
Bob's Burgers, 2011 - present

Sports
Monday Night Football, 1970 - present
SportsCenter, 1979 - present

News
CBS Evening News with Dan Rather, 1981-1993
AC360, 2003 - present

Summer List #1 - My Favorite 50 Movies

Movies have always played an important role in my life.  They are my favorite form of entertainment.  Except for perhaps vocal melody, I believe motion pictures provide us with the greatest potential for artistic achievement.  When I was young, I staged imaginary movies with my younger brother.  Together, we wrote, directed, and performed.  I wish we would've had cameras to capture the magic.  I think the list says a lot about me.  I enjoy epic dramas, some horror movies, plenty of screwball comedies, and blockbusters.  I don't care for art house crap.  Some of the most popular franchises are missing.  You'll see which ones.  For the record, I differentiate between what I call my favorites and what could be considered the best.  In other words, not all the ones I enjoy won awards.

Really, there's only one rule here.  The movie had to be released during my lifetime.  Oh, and I listed only one film from any series.  So, I guess that's two rules.  These are in chronological order by first release.

The Godfather, 1972
Jaws, 1975
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, 1975
Rocky, 1976
The Pink Panther Strikes Again, 1976
Smokey and the Bandit, 1977
Raiders of the Lost Ark, 1981
Poltergeist, 1982
First Blood, 1982
Friday the 13th Part IV, 1984
The Breakfast Club, 1985
Fletch, 1985
Back to the Future, 1985
Aliens, 1986
Raising Arizona, 1987
Die Hard, 1988
The 'Burbs, 1989
Christmas Vacation, 1989
Goodfellas, 1990
The Silence of the Lambs, 1991
Terminator 2, 1991
Cape Fear, 1991
Schindler's List, 1993
Pulp Fiction, 1994
Braveheart, 1995
Donnie Brasco, 1997
The Big Lebowski, 1998
Saving Private Ryan, 1998
Office Space, 1999
Analyze This, 1999
The Green Mile, 1999 
Cast Away, 2000
Signs, 2002
Gangs of New York. 2002
Old School, 2003
Pirates of the Caribbean, 2003
Shaun of the Dead, 2004
Meet the Fockers, 2004
Talladega Nights, 2006
The Departed, 2006
Superbad, 2007
No Country for Old Men, 2007
Step Brothers, 2008
Inglourious Basterds, 2009
Super 8, 2011
Ted, 2012
The Campaign, 2012
Flight, 2012
Silver Linings Playbook, 2012
This Is the End, 2013

Quotes

I enjoy making lists and collecting quotes.  I have a folder in my file cabinet full of them.  Most of what interests me comes from television and the movies, so you won't find anything profound like "I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." or "Dear me, I think I'm becoming a God."  But, you will find Poe's "God help my poor soul." because there's something about his struggle that fascinates me.

Some of the lines are funny.  Some are stupid.  Most reveal something about my place in the world at the time I first heard them.  I spend a lot of time searching for answers.  These provide me with a glimpse of hope.

"That's what a writer does.  Takes the truth and twists it."
-Lucille Ball, 1950's.

"How she feels?  How 'bout me?  How 'bout how I feel?"
"You're gonna get it.  I don't know what second, what minute, but you're gonna get yours."
-Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason).  The Honeymooners, 1950's.

"I want love.  I want life, damn it!"
"In the midst of death, we are in life."
"It makes you feel less lonely in the dark."
-General Leo FitzJohn (Peter Sellers).  Waltz of the Toreadors, 1962.

"I can make you do anything I want.  Absolutely anything.  I can make you dance.  I can make you sit or kneel, or I can take away your power like this!"
-El Presidente Rodriguez.  Gilligan's Island, 1965.

"It's real!  It's real!  No matter what it is, it's not nothing."
-Dwayne Schneider (Pat Harrington) on death.  One Day at a Time. 1970's.

"The universe is a very big place, but if you accept me, we could make it one step smaller."
-Mork from Ork (Robin Williams).  Mork and Mindy, 1980's.

"There are many things in this universe you're not meant to understand.  But they are real.  I'm real."
-Alf (Gordon Shumway).  Alf, 1980's.
"Can you please explain to me the meaning of the word, 'oops'?"
-Willie Tanner (Max Wright),  Alf, 1980's.

"I've never seen that.  I never seen anybody drive their garbage down to the street and then bang the hell out of it with a stick.  I've never seen that."
-Ray Peterson (Tom Hanks).  The Burbs, 1989.

"You have just said goodbye to oxygen."
-Big Boy (Al Pacino).  Dick Tracy, 1990.

"I'd rather be a failure in something that I loved than a success in something that I didn't."
-George Burns, 1991.

"The male kangaroo doesn't have a pouch.  Only the female has it, so the male has pouch envy.  Why should she have this huge pouch, and I have nothing?  I have things to carry, too.  At least, at least give me a pocket."
-Polar Bear.  Seinfeld, 1992.

"Pull the string!"
-Bela Lugosi (Martin Landau).  Ed Wood, 1994.

"Necessary?  Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?  No.  But I do it anyway 'cause it's sterile and I like the taste."
Patches O'Houlihan (Rip Torn).  Dodgeball, 2004.

"That's good.  Pretend he's your little sister.  Your little sister with a pitcher.  Playin' a little guitar."
Officer Slater (Bill Hader).  Superbad, 2007.
"He's a freak.  He's the fastest kid alive.  He's the fastest kid alive."
Officer Michaels (Seth Rogen).  Superbad, 2007.

"I drink your milkshake."
-Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day-Lewis).  There Will Be Blood, 2007.

Here's my favorite quote from any stage play (and since I've done theatre for over 35 years now, I think it matters.)

"And you - ain't you bitter, man?  Ain't you just about had it yet?  Don't you see no stars gleaming that you can't just reach out and grab?  You happy?  You contented son of a bitch - you happy?  You got it made?  Bitter?  Man, I'm a volcano.  Bitter?  Here I am - a giant, surrounded by ants!  Ants who can't even understand what it is the giant is talking about!"
-Brother Younger (Danny Glover).  A Raisin in the Sun, 1959 (original Broadway production).

Here are a couple of personal ones.

"e to the motherfuckin tan" - graffiti I found scribbled in a high school notebook, 2005.  A former student and I were cleaning out my classroom.  I tore out the scrap of paper and saved it.

"I'm real. I'm freakishly truthful."
-Graham Schaafsma, 2008.  (A student of mine, I think, using an alias.  If anyone knows who this is, please let me know.)

"bannes, grips, wall-meel. all frista" - my grandfather's shopping list, early 1980's.  I kept this, but not to shame him.  Thinking about him and the time we spent together (with my brothers) makes me smile.  He's the one person I wish my wife and children could've met.  The note, of course, was a reminder for my grandmother to grab bananas, grapes, and watermelon while at the supermarket.  All fruit.

That's What Friends Are For

The older I get, the fewer the friends I have.  In fact, I can't think of a single person I could call right now to ask to go grab a bite for lunch or to go see a movie.  Much less, think of anyone who would call me with such an invitation.

I'm not sure why this is the case.  Are we all so wrapped up in our jobs or children's sports teams that we don't have time for anyone else?  Have I worn out my welcome?  Does Facebook satisfy everyone's need for Drago?  Come to think of it, even those friends have fallen off.  I'd have to announce something dreadful has happened to get more than 50 likes on a post right now, as opposed to those who can garner a 100 likes for re-posting the latest meme.  Possibly a clip of a well-trained parrot feeding a dog off the kitchen counter.  Adorable.

Maybe this is just a part of getting old.  I used to have friends.  Plenty of them.  I don't remember much about Brooklyn, but when we moved to Staten Island, my older brother and I ran around with scores of kids.  We played stickball, king tag, kick the can, and a bunch of other shit.  My best friend lived on the other end of Gold Avenue (I think his parents still do), and we slept over one another's house almost every weekend.  We harbored a secret stash of chocolates.  We were stealthy.  He liked Twix, if I recall.  I preferred Whatchamacallits.  Those days are gone.  I can't even eat chocolate anymore without getting an upset stomach.

We moved to Phoenix while I was in junior high school (they called it middle school).  I fell in with a bunch of D&D nerds and played football, basketball, and baseball for the school leagues.  I always had someone to hang out with.  My best friend's dad was a retired schoolteacher who sold appliances at Montgomery Ward and died of bladder cancer while we were young.  I was asked to be his pallbearer.  I carried his body with his sons.  Do you know how good a friend would have to be for me to ask him to carry my dad's fucking coffin?  I don't have those kinds of friends anymore.  I did.

My crew expanded in high school.  I added the theatre geeks and the brainiacs.  A fringe benefit of being (kind of) smart and (somewhat) talented, I guess.  Think Anthony Michael Hall in The Breakfast Club.  My best friend played football, which kept me in line with the jocks.  Well, at least I could attend their parties on the weekends.  Their girls only looked at me for a chuckle.  I played Eugene in our school's production of Grease, after all.  The highlight was dancing with the senior cast as Patty Simcox.  She was runner-up for Miss Teen Arizona.  So beautiful.  She went on to be a popular news anchor.  I wonder if she has friends.

More of the same in college.  I had plenty of buddies.  And from all walks of life.  We had fun and kept busy.  Even as a young teacher, I had a group of colleagues who got together and played poker or made midnight runs to Las Vegas.  This was when Seinfeld reigned supreme.  I was our Jerry.  Single.  Neat.  Even-Steven.  (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)  I'm George now.  Cranky.  Bald.

You might think you know where this is going.  Marriage ruined my friendships.  Not true.  I had plenty of friends when we first moved to North Carolina almost 15 years ago.  Most I met while teaching or producing community theatre.  This lack of friends is recent.  The last three years or so.  I've shut myself off somehow.  I don't know how to turn myself back on.  If nothing else, friends would relieve some of the pressure my wife must be feeling from my constant companionship.  It's unfair, really.  Getting a life was much easier when I was younger.  What will I do when my kids go off to college?  Don't even want to think about it.  At least they give me a reason to get off my recliner and yell about something.

Writer's Block

I tell my college students all the time that the best way to escape writer's block is to start writing about whatever's on your mind.  It doesn't matter whether or not you have anything to say about the topic or if you make any mistakes.  You can fix things later.  Just pick up and start writing.  Don't think.  Just write.  Eventually, you'll find your way to where you want to go.

I've been stuck for a while.  No, it's not fair to say I'm stuck.  I'm not.  I have plenty to say.  And a ton of ideas.  So many stories started (and abandoned).  I keep listening to the song "Famous Last Words" by Billy Joel.  I want to know what made him stop writing songs.  Was he out of ideas?  Tired?  Bored?  A combination?

Maybe he couldn't say what he wanted to say.

I get that.  Stephen King once told me, "Write what you know."  What if I can't?  What if I'm not allowed to write what I want to write because I'm a schoolteacher?  There are just things that I can't put out there and expect to keep my job.  And let's face it, I'm writing for an audience now.  Sure, I can put words down in my blog and never post them.  Or I can write in a personal journal and not share.  For me, writing has gone beyond that.  I write to express my views with others.  Not to keep them to myself.  I have a file cabinet in my mind for that.  I categorize and have opinions on everything.  I just don't feel like I can share those the way I want.

Some teachers are willing to speak out.  Maybe they have more courage than I do.  Or maybe they're toeing the line.  There's no risk in that.  They're saying exactly what's expected of them.  Hollywood does the same thing.  Artists are held to certain expectations or risk blackball.  We're all struggling, disenfranchised Bohemians, right?

Don't you hate when people try so hard to be different that they end up playing a stereotype?  And, yes, I realize I'm implying that those who think they're nonconformists conform more often than not.  They do.  I don't.  Thus the fear.  It's not to say that I don't share the same views as my colleagues at certain times.  Of course, I do.  But what about when I don't?  Do I just shut the fuck up?  (Yes, Tommy, that's what you do.  You shut the fuck up.  Nobody needs to know what you think about sex, politics, or religion, especially not if you're going to rebuke the status quo.)

At a press conference before his sold out performances at Madison Square Garden in 1972, Elvis (dressed in a gorgeous sky-blue suit) replied that he preferred to keep his opinions to himself when asked for his thoughts about the Vietnam War, Civil Rights, and other political issues of his era.  Makes you wonder what he was thinking.  Maybe.  Or maybe you don't give a shit about the King's politics.  But when asked if he thought other entertainers should also keep quiet, he shook his head (a lock of shiny black hair bouncing across his forehead) and whispered, "No," almost with a smile.  Makes you wonder why he wouldn't talk.  What was keeping him quiet?  I guess we'll never know.

World's Biggest Stephen King Fan

My sister died when I was 13 years-old.  She was strangled by the umbilical cord during my mom's final trimester.  That was the most devastating event of my life.  Even now, I can't listen to "Ribbon in the Sky" by Stevie Wonder without crying.  That song was playing on the radio when we pulled into the cemetery.  Before we watched her little gray box go into the ground. 

Most folks would've turned to God.  I found Stephen King.  He landed in my lap, really.  My older brother's friend let me borrow his copy of Night Shift.  The cover reminded me of something out of the Twilight Zone.  Hands with eyes on the fingers?  What the hell is that shit?  Up until that point, The Lord of the Rings was my game, and everything I wrote was a knock-off.  

I didn't know it quite then, but Stephen King was teaching me that it's OK to be scared.  That bad shit happens, but you can still go on.  

Our relationship developed gradually.  My mom bought me The Dead Zone for Christmas that year, and then I found Different Seasons and Christine at the bookstore.  I devoured these.  Falling in love with the characters, captivated by the prose.  I became an addict.  Since my older brother was more interested in sports, girls, and parties (like most teenage boys), I recruited my younger brother to go on my quest.  We scoured used bookstores, buying every rare, limited edition we could get our hands on.  Movie tie-ins, foreign prints.  You name it.  I even read the British version of The Shining just because I thought it looked cool.  My younger brother kindly informed me that nothing I did was cool.  He was right.  Girls don't notice boys who read.  They laugh at them.  Something I learned from Arnie Cunningham.

The book that sealed our relationship was Pet Sematary.  It's still my favorite.  When Gage Creed died, I can't tell you how hard I cried (even harder than when we lost Wolf in The Talisman).  I can still remember.  I was alone in my room, lying on my bed.  Hoping my mom didn't hear me.  I didn't want her to know much it hurt me when her little girl died.  She had Mommy things to worry about.  I could toughen up.  I had Stephen King.  Besides, when Gage came back, he was different.  He was fucked.  And then it hit me.  You can never change the past.  You can only live.

My Stephen King collection is vast.  I have every hardcover and multiple copies of all his paperbacks.  I have a sealed copy of My Pretty Pony - a massive red tome given as a gift by the store manager at the local Waldenbooks.  I have near mint original paperback copies of The Running Man and The Long Walk (I even have an Italian print of this one!).  I have copies of Stephen King's original screenplay adaptations of The Stand and Pet Sematary smuggled by a friend of mine out of Laurel Entertainment in the mid-'80's.  I have all the print copies of Stephen King's official newsletter, Castle Rock.  T-shirts, posters, bookmarks.  The list is endless.

After I read Pet Sematary (autocorrect hates this fucking word), I wrote Stephen King a letter and asked about The Dark Tower, included in the novel's list of his works.  In this era before the Internet, I had no contact information, so I sent my letter off to his publisher, Doubleday.  It took 9 months to get his response!  He explained how to contact Don Grant and order my copy.  I have the whole limited edition series, of course.  I followed with an inquiry to his PO Box in Maine about a sold-out luncheon he planned to attend in Phoenix where I lived at the time.  He replied in two weeks with a Three Stooges postcard, telling me I should try to get in as a waiter.  Perfect.  

We corresponded for a couple more years until the Mets beat the Red Sox in the 1986 World Series.  He sent me a form letter, explaining how if he spent all his time answering letters, he wouldn't have time to write his books.  He'd become a brand name.  Of course, I understood.  Typed separately on the form letter was some personal advice he gave me.  I'll keep those words to myself.

Someone once asked me why I'm such a big Elvis Presley fan.  I told her that every time I hear his voice it feels like someone is telling me, "I love you."  Every time I read Stephen King, it's like having someone hold my hand in the dark.